Can cooler

Oh, ho-ho! Lookee here, earthling! Tickle your tastebuds and give your sparklin’ sips a topsy-turvy whoopsy-daisy upgrade! This delightable can-cuddler comes in not one but two marvelous sizes—one for your regular fizzblastin' can and one for the slimsy-wimsy sort reserved for seltzersoos! Made from the snazziest, high-froth synthetic rubber (that’s a fancy way of saying it’s as springy as a bounce-rock), it’s keeping your drink cold as a pendant-seed and your fingers snug as a hagstone in a pocket!

• Crafted from the magic of neoprene (no Callings harmed in the making, I’m pleased to say)
• Splash-proof! No soggy mitts here!
• Dual-size trickery for all your slurping needs
• Ribbed seams, all snug and spiffy
• Regular size: 5″ × 4″ (12 × 10 cm), Slim size: 6.5″ × 3.2″ (17 × 8 cm)
• A smidgen of spot-cleaning and it’s as good as new!
• Zoomed in from China, zippity-zapped with print in the US

And listen up, quaffers—each one of these is made on demand, no pesky minimums to worry your busy heads over!

Now go forth and sip like a real dream-blower!